Love, whoa. It’s immeasurable, powerful and
frankly a necessity. There are many types of love, but the basic principle is giving,
sharing, and showing appreciation. Once you’ve found it how do you keep it?
As I was sitting in the
mezzanine at The University of Winnipeg the other day I might have eavesdropped
on a conversation behind me. Although if you’re going to talk that loudly its
no longer eavesdropping its public knowledge. The story is this woman broke up with
her boyfriend and now she feels it’s appropriate to put him down in every which
way. Apparently he’s a jerk doesn’t give her the love she needs. Boy, I felt
her wrath across the comfy couches!
If he was such a terrible person
why did you even consider dating him, never mind being in a relationship for a
year! At what point did you realize a jerk… or is he? He must have some
redeeming qualities. Otherwise, talk about an extremely poor judge of
character.
Pet peeve: In the aftermath of a
break up one partner creates a villain out of their ex. He or she becomes a
jerk and now friends are required to choose sides and sympathize. Thanks for
breaking up, not. They seem to forget any positive qualities that the other
person may have had in order to rationalize ending their relationship.
Did you know…
- The average
rate of divorce in Canada is around 38%,
- This means
that 4 out of 10 marriages will end before they have the chance to reach their
30th anniversary.
- Yikes.
Although, our percentage is far less than the Americans! Ha!
Why does this happen? There are serious
problems such as alcoholism, domestic violence, and infidelity, however a more
common problem is a simple lack of communication.
If the woman in the
mezzanine had found her partner’s love language and spoke it, then communicated
to him what her love language was, perhaps their relationship may have survived
another day. Just a guess. On a serious note; Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love
Languages: the Secret to Love that Lasts has helped me in my relationships,
so I thought I would share my findings.
Think about it this way: A person who speaks
only English would have a hard time understanding someone who speaks only Japanese.
The difficulty we encounter once we have found love is how to maintain the
‘spark’. Some say ‘spark’ is fictional - but hey, I like to be optimistic. So
for this blog it exists.
“Keeping love alive…is serious
business” says Gary Chapman.
Each of us speaks and appreciates different
love languages. This love thing is hard work but it’s worth it. The five love
languages are: Words of Affirmation,
Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. (Each category is
reasonably self-explanatory so I’ll let you pick up the book if you’d like more
detail)
Gary Chapman describes how each of us
has a ‘love tank’. Cute. When someone speaks our language it fills that tank.
Running a ‘love tank’ on empty can be disastrous in a relationship. Here is the
warning in his book:
What’s your love language? Curious?
Go on… take the Quiz!
“Once you identify and learn to speak your
spouse’s primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key
to a long lasting, loving marriage” – Gary Chapman
Chapman’s theory can be applied to other
relationships. Check out his other books such as Appreciation in the Workplace.
Does his theory work? It did for me. Before I
took the quiz I thought I was Words of Affirmation, I had to be, but I wasn’t. My
results were Quality Time. Makes sense to me now.
I
asked my family and friends what they thought my love language was… apparently
it was obvious to them. When I feel my ‘love tank’ is empty its time to spend
some quality time with the ones I love. I now know in order to communicate love
to those around me I need to find their love language and speak it! When we
love and feel loved it feels great.
To my readers, remember… never let
your love tank become empty, and always keep your glass half full.
