"You are ze corned beef to me, and I am ze cabbage to you." - Pepe Le Pew

Love, whoa. It’s immeasurable, powerful and frankly a necessity. There are many types of love, but the basic principle is giving, sharing, and showing appreciation. Once you’ve found it how do you keep it?

As I was sitting in the mezzanine at The University of Winnipeg the other day I might have eavesdropped on a conversation behind me. Although if you’re going to talk that loudly its no longer eavesdropping its public knowledge. The story is this woman broke up with her boyfriend and now she feels it’s appropriate to put him down in every which way. Apparently he’s a jerk doesn’t give her the love she needs. Boy, I felt her wrath across the comfy couches!

If he was such a terrible person why did you even consider dating him, never mind being in a relationship for a year! At what point did you realize a jerk… or is he? He must have some redeeming qualities. Otherwise, talk about an extremely poor judge of character. 

Pet peeve: In the aftermath of a break up one partner creates a villain out of their ex. He or she becomes a jerk and now friends are required to choose sides and sympathize. Thanks for breaking up, not. They seem to forget any positive qualities that the other person may have had in order to rationalize ending their relationship.

Did you know…

•      The divorce rate (per 100 marriages) in Manitoba is 30.2 according to Manitoba essentials at www.bookofeverything.com

•      The average rate of divorce in Canada is around 38%,

•      This means that 4 out of 10 marriages will end before they have the chance to reach their 30^th anniversary.

•      Yikes. Although, our percentage is far less than the Americans! Ha!

Why does this happen? There are serious problems such as alcoholism, domestic violence, and infidelity, however a more common problem is a simple lack of communication.

 If the woman in the mezzanine had found her partner’s love language and spoke it, then communicated to him what her love language was, perhaps their relationship may have survived another day. Just a guess. On a serious note; Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages: the Secret to Love that Lasts has helped me in my relationships, so I thought I would share my findings.

Think about it this way: A person who speaks only English would have a hard time understanding someone who speaks only Japanese. The difficulty we encounter once we have found love is how to maintain the ‘spark’. Some say ‘spark’ is fictional - but hey, I like to be optimistic. So for this blog it exists.

“Keeping love alive…is serious business” says Gary Chapman.

Each of us speaks and appreciates different love languages. This love thing is hard work but it’s worth it. The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. (Each category is reasonably self-explanatory so I’ll let you pick up the book if you’d like more detail)

Gary Chapman describes how each of us has a ‘love tank’. Cute. When someone speaks our language it fills that tank. Running a ‘love tank’ on empty can be disastrous in a relationship. Here is the warning in his book:

What’s your love language? Curious?

Go on… take the Quiz!

www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/30-second-quizzes/love/

“Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key to a long lasting, loving marriage” – Gary Chapman

Chapman’s theory can be applied to other relationships. Check out his other books such as Appreciation in the Workplace.

Does his theory work? It did for me. Before I took the quiz I thought I was Words of Affirmation, I had to be, but I wasn’t. My results were Quality Time. Makes sense to me now.

I asked my family and friends what they thought my love language was… apparently it was obvious to them. When I feel my ‘love tank’ is empty its time to spend some quality time with the ones I love. I now know in order to communicate love to those around me I need to find their love language and speak it! When we love and feel loved it feels great.

To my readers, remember… never let your love tank become empty, and always keep your glass half full.